Status Update: In A Toxic Relationship With Facebook

Facebook and I haven't been getting along for awhile now. At first I tried to ignore our problems and make the best of things. I did all things that you are supposed to do when your relationship doesn't quite feel the same anymore - I tried quality time together, I tried more time apart, I even tried to change my appearance (in this case changing up my profile picture and cover photo more often) but to no avail. And yet in spite of my now lukewarm feelings towards Facebook, I couldn't let go. No matter how upset that I got, I would always return to Facebook. I finally had to face up to the truth - Facebook and I were most definitely in a toxic relationship.

In the beginning, I had truly loved Facebook. Facebook was different to other social media - it let me be myself, it encouraged relationships with other people, it often suggested things to me that I might like and it was always there for me. But as time went on, it all began to change, Facebook began to change and everything started to go downhill.

In a healthy and happy relationship, you are usually protected from the things that may hurt you or cause you harm. But soon it became apparent that far from protecting me from harm, Facebook made it so much easier for others to hurt me. Facebook made me and my life so much more accessible, and I was only ever one message or comment away from someone being able to express some kind of vitriol towards me. Unfortunately, this criticism was aimed at both me and my work.

Facebook also started to try and change me. It was no longer accepting of what I liked and how I wanted to express myself, it was always trying to push something on to me - it wanted me to buy products from shops I had never visited, it wanted me to join groups that I had no interest in and worst of all, it was always trying to make me be 'friends' with people that I didn't know or had absolutely nothing in common with. I could still control things for the most part, but somehow Facebook always seemed to find a way to get around this. No matter how may times I tried to tell Facebook that I didn't like this behaviour, Facebook wouldn't listen. In short, I felt constantly manipulated.

It got to the point where instead of looking forward to our time together, I felt drained and tired at the very thought. I started to feel anxious when I knew that we would be spending time together and I would try and put it off for as long as possible. I think that Facebook picked up on this though and instead I would get emails from Facebook constantly - 'you're missing out on this' and 'you really need to see this.' I always felt compelled to go back to Facebook.

Things with Facebook took even more of a turn for the worse when I noticed that Facebook was starting to affect my offline relationships as well as my online ones. If a friend hadn't replied to a message from me, then Facebook would inform me that they had been online but they were just choosing to ignore my message. Facebook would show me the pictures from a friend's day out after they told me they were too ill to speak to me. It became all about the mind games with Facebook, and no matter how much I tried to tailor the relationship between us to be more equal - it never worked.

I know that my relationship with Facebook has become far too precarious - I know that it isn't good for me anymore and I know that I don't enjoy our time together. But how can you break up a relationship that you feel so drawn to go back to? Were all the good times a lie? Was I blind to Facebook's cons from the start? Is our relationship irreparable? I don't know the answers, but for now I do feel strongly that I need to say this - it's not me, it's you Facebook.